I’m so very tired. Pain Shared is Pain Divided

I struggle to find the will to even type this message…..In the back of my mind I always hear “they won’t even listen or pause to think.” However, I’ve seen goodness in the forums spring up recently (an appreciation thread no less,) and that’s enough motivation for me.

(More on this later.)

I’m so tired of defending a job I’ve been playing for over a year when I ask for….anything……when I determine I need a little more breathing room. I’m so tired of the lack of trust within the community to even hear my words and just consider them at their base value. I’m shouting in my heart just to be heard and only a choice few people listen and even then it’s only for a limited time. There have been so many people who’ve posted ideas with the best intentions to have them shot down by the community time and time again. As a matter of fact, that’s what bothers me the most….

It’s clear that we’re too afraid of each other, we’re too afraid of this company making changes, we’re too afraid of imbalance that’s already factually in the game. If that’s the case, we have to admit that we’re not the people that are in charge (we never have been.) We have to realize that it’s ALL on Square-Enix to make this game work and at the end of the day that’s why we all tear each other apart…we don’t realize it. There are jobs that have been buffed and never looked back, there are others that have been slightly catered to for a while but still need more and more because of a lack of foresight and planning. Why are we so easily distracted from this single most important realization?

I’ve said it more than once that we should remove ourselves from any equation when it comes to introducing ideas; the reason is everyone just assumes bias, because we’re afraid. I’m brave enough to admit it crosses my mind but I just want to have fun. I can’t tell you what job to nerf or buff, because it shouldn’t be my responsibility. Just like it shouldn’t be yours. There’s enough proof that not all jobs could have their place in new content and were forced out….that should be all you need. If every job can’t be broken through meta to beat content, it’s imbalance plain and simple. If every job had value, raid composition could be any combination of jobs in their roles (barring repeat jobs of course.) I’m not talking about one tank, two healers and 5 DPS by the way. We’re clearly not there yet because some people have to wait months…..months…..to get through content on a job they enjoy because of imbalance.

I keep coming back to this point over and over but I have to reiterate it: it’s not on us to shape the path the product we’re consuming travels. Can we leave suggestions, yeah…..but we really shouldn’t, since all we do is bicker like children out of fear. It’s even less effective when developers have a hard-line stance on what something is and does. It’s because of this that I’ve had to put up with people saying “lol you’re just a dumb guard, you shouldn’t do damage or use spells or have utility.” Which makes me question why I leveled Conjurer and Marauder. Sometimes I also ask myself why the community doesn’t nurture ideas……and then I remember ‘oh, it’s because the guy that “saved” the game doesn’t either.’ If I’m just a “dumb guard” right now, when am I ever going to be something like a Sword Saint (even dumb guards have hierarchy, or else there’d be no infrastructure, no standard operating procedures, there wouldn’t even be battlefield tactics at all.) It’s this shortsightedness people should be looking at.

“In Japan where they valued swordsmanship (Kenjutsu), a person of truly exceptional skill in swordsmanship was often honored with the title of Sword Saint (Kensei). This implied not only a high degree of skill in swordsmanship, but also one of a high degree in moral perfection as well.” Taken from the FF Tactics Wikia here http://finalfantasy.wikia.com/wiki/S…_%28Tactics%29

Right now, my job is a joke because the developers have allowed it to be. Right now, my job is a joke because cutting edge raiders broke the game and showed Square-Enix how they’ve consistently underestimated players, their game design, and their job direction. Right now, my job is a joke because I can’t do what the others do and I also can’t do what they don’t do….so I just wait anywhere from 2 to 3 months and try to have fun I suppose. When did the communities focus change from the content being the measuring stick….to us as players? It’s obvious this expansion was poorly thought out (Moogle quests, every single end game raid having hard enrages, a set of savage raids pretty much catering to one gimmick, esoterics lockouts, random job directions, new treasure map enemies being nothing but AoE bots, no new Grand Company ranks, and a laundry list of other things,) and yet we’re not focusing our attention on that. We should be worried about the game, not mad at each other or them.

***Back to the appreciation thread***:
As I’ve said in that very thread, it means so much to me when someone says thank you. It means I seemed strong to them when I’m so far from it in real life. It means I helped them capture a little happiness in their life, whatever it may be. It means I can temporarily forget I have a terminal illness given to me by my parents (they couldn’t help it and I don’t hate them for it.) It means I left a fingerprint of my life on the sands of time, and while they’ll shift and in turn erase me away from existence….I was there for a little while. Wow, I’m sorry for rambling about existential crap. I tend to do that because I just have to be an honest person, I can’t let myself be anything but. It hurts to be made fun of, it hurts to be almost ignored, it hurts to be on the edge of hated or even disliked from strangers over a game. I’ve done a little growing up on the inside and realized I’ve hurt people just as much as I’ve been hurt and I’m sorry for that.

EDIT: I know this will more than likely seem like incoherent rambling and me just crying…..and some of it is, honestly. I can’t bare this burden anymore, so I have to set it down and walk away. If you feel the need to, do the same, but be as nice as you can.

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